Breaking The Habit
by DarkHybridChild
Summary: Rated for caution...Uhh..Basiclly its About Kaiba thinking about himself..Mentions of Shounen-ai and slight romance..uhh not goos at summarys R


DA/DSK: Whoa Dude...I dont think I can write this..  
  
DYM: JUST DO IT Mandi-Chan!  
  
DMK: You know that sounds gross..  
  
DA/DSK: OMG IM SO PROUD! *glomps DMK* Your finally being perverted! IM SO PROUD!  
  
DNK:...  
  
DRB: rofl..  
  
DMK: x.X;  
  
Y/M: Err yeah anyways...DSK Doesnt own yugioh. Although she paid good money for all the yugioh stuff she bought...Including her Kaiba Boxers and BEWD tanktop...*sees the fangirls get jelous* HA! *sticks her tongue out*   
  
DYM:...heh...  
  
DA/DSK: ON WITH THE FICCIE!  
  
Im standing here in my room, staring blankly at...Nothing. I dont want to see anything. Its all to painful to relive my damn fucking memories.  
  
*Memories Consume Like Opening The Wound Im Picking Me Apart Again. You All Asume Im Safe Here In My Room Unless I Try To Start Again*  
  
If I do look at something I remember all those horrable memories. I have scars that show it. I have scars that dont show. And if I look they just reopen and start bleeding again freely. Right now im at my deck playing with a letter opener, picking at old scars on my arms, opening some and bruising others. Ive done it before. So it doesnt really matter. No one knows I do so it cant hurt anyone. Especially Mokuba. He thinks as long as im here in the mansion or in my room im safe. Hes wrong and he doesnt know it. I keep picking at my scars more and more, reliving my memories of each and every scar.  
  
Damn that god awful bastard! I should have never challenged him to that chess match and I never should have tried to run away. If I hadnt have done any of those things Mokuba would be safe, I wouldnt have to live with all of these memories and I wouldnt be the way that I am now. I would have friends and I wouldnt be so cold. But then again, I wouldnt be Seto Kaiba either. I wouldnt own KaibaCorp and KaibaLand. Id be a nobody. But if I could go back and relive it all, I would. Id change my past. If I had to live as a nobody it wouldnt matter. At least Mokuba and I would be safe and we wouldnt have to remember any of this mess.  
  
*I Dont Want To Be The One The Battles Always Choose Cause Inside I Realize That Im The One Confused.*  
  
Everytime I think of a memory I wish it wasnt me I never wanted this really. But evertime I battled my emotions over it I always lost. Everyone thinks I have perfect and normal life. But who knows anything about my life 'sides Mokuba? NO ONE! So as I think about my life the more and more I understand how confused I am. It was always clear to me..Now, im not so sure.  
  
I know im confused as memories flash by. My mind stops on one. I wished that had never happened the most. Him... I wish I had never walked into that shop. I wish I didnt see him on Duelist Kingdom. The Virtual Reality Game. Even Battle City and Battle Ship. But nooo fate laughed and tortured me. I could never get away from him... It was the worst mistake I made...  
  
I fell in love with Joey Wheeler.  
  
Yes, I admit. I loved Joey Wheeler. We were younger then. But as time passed, our love didnt last. Now everytime I see him all I think of is his betrayal. I forgive him but I dont. I never fully can. I pick at my arms even more, blood running down them. I silently laugh.  
  
*I Dont Know Whats Worth Fighting For Or Why I Have To Scream I Dont Know Why I Instigae And Say What I dont Mean*  
  
I dont give a fuck about living anymore. Even for Mokuba's sake. Hes older and can take care of himself. If only... No. I wont go there, I promised myself I wouldnt... But I never care anymore... Im tired of fighting all this... "FUCK THIS WORLD! IT CAN GO TO HELL!" I scream out the window and slump to the ground. Its just not fair anymore... Mokuba comes in and asks me if something was wrong. I yelled at him and he ran away crying.. Just great Kaiba! Make your own brother cry! I sometimes dont know why I scream or yell.. Its like.. Im not one person.. Kind of like Marik and Malik but not quite... I dont have my own anger for a yami... But I do have an item.. Not even Yami knows about it and that fucked up tomb robber cant sence it. I have the Sennen Heart. Sure it sounds stupid. I dont even remember WHY I have it...  
  
But its only half a heart.. Anyways..   
  
*I Dont Know How I Got This Way Ill Never Be Alright Cause Im Breaking The Habit Tonight*  
  
I never quite knew how I ended up this way. Sure, half of it is Gozaburo's fault. And /his/ fault. But i dont blame him compleatly. I know ill never get through all this. One way or another im gonna go... Im so confused and out of control. I dont know why im still alive.   
  
*Clutching My Cure I Tightly Lock The Door I Try To Catch My Breath Again I Hurt Much More Than Anytime Before I Have No Options Left Again I Dont Want To Be The One The Battles Always Choose Cause Inside I Realize That Im The One Confused*  
  
I pull open my desk and take out a knife.. Still as sharp as it was before.. Its been used before on me. But not by me. This is Gozaburo's knife.. Oh so many times I had to go through with it now I want to. I walk over to my door and shut it and lock it tight. I laughs insanely and look at the knife the sight takes my breath away. So im standing there trying to catch my breath and breathe again I feel the memories and pain come back again to me. It seems to hurt more than it ever did before. But I dont have anywhere else to go.   
  
I never ever wanted this but I guess I deserve it. I start making long thin red lines on my sem from the knife blood rolling down it. I smile insanely. This was going to be fun..  
  
*I Dont Know Whats Worth Fighting For Or Why I Have To Scream I Dont Know Why I Instigate And Say What I Dont Mean I Dont Know How I Got This Way Ill Never Be Alright So Im Breaking The Habit Tonight.*  
  
I run lines along my legs since im sitting on the floor in my boxers. I keep watching the red lines of blood run down them. I suddenly slame the knife into my leg hard and deep. I scream loud. I pull it out, satisfied with the pain. Its very hard to fight against death you know.. But tonight im breaking my every weakness and going to be myself. No more masks. No more hiding. Just a dark sleep.  
  
*Ill Paint It On The Walls Cause Im The One At Fault Ill Never Fight Again And This Is How It Ends I Dont Know Whats Worth Fighting For Or Why I Have To Scream But Now I Have Some Clarity To Show You What I Mean I Dont Know How I Got This Way Ill Never Be Alright Cause im Breaking The Habit Im Breaking the Habit Tonight...*  
  
I start using the blood off of the blade to write stuff on the walls. Besides, its my fault Mokubas so unhappy. Now that I will be gone he wont have to suffer. I let the blood run out, things start getting fuzzy but I keep writing I hear someone at the door but I dont care. Tonight.. Tonight im breaking this habit... Tonight im finally leaving... My focus starts drifting and everything is blurry and im seeing double. "Goodbye." I whisper and I close my eyes and everything goes black.  
  
*Normal POV*   
  
The door opened and in stepped two people. A black haired kid and a young brunette. Both of them gasped and ran over to him. The brunette checked his pulse and felt it go slower and slower. The black haired boy ran out to call for help. She bent down and cradled him in her arms whispering for him not to die. "Dont die... I Love you.." She whispered. She heard his ragged breathing stop and felt his skin grow colder. Tears fell from her eyes and she bent down and kissed him softly and just held his body to her, crying silently...  
  
DA/DSK: *twitching*...I did it..  
  
Y/A: *pats DSK* Poor dear..I think she'll never get over this one...  
  
DYM:...Very Angsty..  
  
DRB: Blood...*eyes the blood*  
  
DNK: *whacks him* No blood for you!  
  
DA/DSK: I cant believe I wrote this *runs off to cry*  
  
Y/A: I cant blame her..well anyways please R&R  
  
All ex. DSK: Ja! 


End file.
